GOON Order of Oppression, Negligence, and Sadism
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The GOONS alliance on Lunar Wars is an organization of colonies from a similar internet community. We come forth from the bubbling cesspool that is Something Awful dot com®"That Pig". Members of the Something Awful community (heretoafter referred to as "SA" ) are nicknamed "GOONS", for literal and obvious reasons. Our primary goal in Lunar Wars is to retain our lighthearted and mocking opinion on everything including, but not limited to: furries, waffles, Belgians, Belgian waffles, forest fires, people who steal our memes, the obese, the Belgian obese, and flaming obese Belgian furries who steal our memes. Seriously though, **** that guy.
GOONS IS TOTAL FAIL. GOONS SUCKSSS.
YOU ARE ABOUT TO BE ATTACKED AND YOU DONT EVEN KNOW IT
[edit] Charter
[edit] Article I: Admission/Membership
Admission into GOONS can be done by one of three paths
- You have stairs in your house (requires photographic proof)
- You joined the Order on Planet Bob
- We really like you
Membership is not closed, but we can be selective about who joins if we choose.
[edit] Article II: The Government & Closet
NOTE: For ease of use all pronouns in this charter take the masculine. That should not be construed as GOONS refusing the membership of female members. Or men who dress as women. We're not picky.
[edit] Section 1
[edit] I. The Pilot
The Pilot steers this ship of drunks, arsonists, and madmen. The ultimate GOONS authority on the moon. Power ultimately rests with him. In wartime, the armed forces of GOONS ultimately come under his control. He is first signatory on all GOONS documents, and any document bearing his signature is considered to be the voice of GOONS. He can overrule any other GOONS closet member in any decision.
[edit] II. The Co-Pilot
Fundamentally does all the real work whenever the Pilot is indisposed (i.e. freebasing in the bathroom with green-skinned space-hookers). He's considered second-in-command and immediately behind the Pilot in the chain of command. If the Pilot gets food poisoning, or his herpes flares up, he will right the ship and see us safely home. He is second signatory on all GOONS documents, and any non-presidential document bearing his signature is considered to be the official GOONS position. He can overrule any GOONS closet member other than the Pilot.
[edit] III. The Closet
[edit] Civilian Cabinet
The Civilian Cabinet is composed of 3 members who control all GOONS peacetime activities. The responsibilities are many and varied, including: ambassadorial duties with other alliances, the writing and approving of treaties, liquor runs, and monitoring oppression levels to ensure GOONS-brand quality.
A. Director of Foreign Affairs (aka Minister of Lies)
Fundamentally responsible for all peacetime relations with other alliances. He handles all requests from other alliances and may be called upon to be the public face of GOONS to other alliances. He is also the head of the GOONS diplomatic corps and de facto diplomat to all other alliances. He appoints ambassadors to other alliances, sets up embassies for other alliances in the GOONS forums, and is the official scribe and third signatory of all GOONS treaties. Any treaties bearing his signature are considered to be the official GOONS position. He can overrule any member of the diplomatic corps
B. Ambassadors (Concerned Passengers)
Ambassadors are in charge of establishing relations with other alliances. They report to the Foreign Diplomacy Director. They are the first point of diplomatic contact between GOONS and their assigned alliances.
C. Intelligence Director (Navigator)
The Intelligence Director has the responsibility for watching and gathering intelligence on other alliances and communicating such intelligence to other Closet members. This includes but is not limited to other alliances' treaties, elections, and public declarations. The Intelligence Director should be a frequent reader of and presence upon the Lunar Wars forums, and an approachable member of the GOONS alliance.
D. Domestic Affairs Director (Flight Attendant)
The Domestic Affairs Director has ultimate responsibility for all internal alliance communication. The Domestic Affairs Director is also empowered (as are the Pilot and Co-Pilot) to approve new admissions to the alliance, as well as the training and orientation of new alliance members.
[edit] War Cabinet
The War Cabinet is the official military cabinet of GOONS. They have the responsibility of monitoring military activity in other alliances, maintaining the GOONS military readiness, and advising the Pilot on whether military action is necessary.
A. Offensive War Director (Bombardier)
The Offensive War Director has immediate control over the offensive capabilities of the GOONS military. He gives the go-ahead to attacks against other nations, and keeps track of potential targets such as rogue colonies. The Offensive War Director is responsible for drawing up attack plans and assisting the Pilot in planning wartime strategy.
B. Defensive War Director (Air Marshal)
The Defensive War Director is responsible for Goonland Security. He has the responsibility of tracking possible hostile colonies and coordinating retaliation to offensive wars against the alliance.
C. War Aid Director (The John)
The War Aid Director forks out cash to deserving recipients for "outstanding service." It is the responsibility of the War Aid Director to organize and give AIDS to any GOON colony in need of it.
[edit] Section 2
[edit] Debate and Discussion
Goons are an argumentative lot and frequently insist upon having their own say about any matter that arises. With this in mind, all GOONS members in good standing are part of the GOONS parliament.
- Subsection A
- All GOONS members in good standing are admitted to the GOONS parliament, the legislative chamber of the GOONS.
- Subsection B
- A Goon may at any time move to introduce new legislation or amend/remove existing legislation, and invite other members to second that motion.
- Subsection C
- A motion to introduce a new law, amend a current law or charter, or remove a current law must be presented in the Suggestions/Discussion forum.
- Such motions may only extend to internal alliance policy.
- Foreign policy suggestions may be initiated by any SA GOON, however, only Closet members may bring such a suggestion to a vote.
- Subsection D
- Suggestions must be discussed in the Suggestions/Discussion forum for 48 hours prior to a poll being created.
- Suggestions should not be moved over to the Polls forum while the contents of the suggestion are still being debated.
- Closet members may waive either of the above rules at their discretion. Such waiving should be done in a fair and judicial manner and based on time constraints or convenience rather than liking an opinion or vendetta.
- Subsection E
- Polls in the polls forum will remain open for 48 hours to give the membership of GOONS the opportunity to vote on important issues. All members of GOONS are allowed to vote..
- Motions must reach 66% of the vote in order to pass.
- Subsection F
- The Pilot chairs the GOONS parliament, and retains veto power over any legislative changes.
- If the Pilot is unavailable for a period longer than 24 hours, the Co-Pilot or the full Cabinet may exercise veto power in his absence.
- Subsection G
- The Domestic Affairs Director is in charge of the Suggestion/Discussion forum, as well as the polls forum. He has the responsibility of administering polls and announcing their results.
[edit] Article III: Elections
[edit] Section 1
The Closet, including the Pilot and Co-Pilot, are elected on a staggered bi-monthly basis. To ensure continuity of government and reduce interregnum security risks, half the Closet will be elected in one month, the other half in the next month. The schedule is as follows:
- Schedule A: January, March, May, July, September and November:
- Intelligence Director
- Domestic Affairs Director
- Defensive War Director
- War Aid Director
- Schedule B: February, April, June, August, October, and December:
- Pilot
- Foreign Diplomacy Director
- Offensive War Director
The position of Co-Pilot is given to the runner-up in the Pilot race. If the current Pilot is running unopposed, a Co-Pilot by-election may be announced.
These elections will take place at the start of every month, and will happen according to the following schedule:
- The first to the fifth of the month are open for nominations, which must be made by the fifth.
- The sixth and seventh are open for campaigning.
- The election takes place on the eighth and ninth
[edit] Section 2
During the nomination period, each GOON may make two nominations for positions that are up for election. A GOON may nominate himself or somebody else, but may not nominate the same person for two positions.
[edit] Section 3
The Pilot is responsible for ensuring the transparency of the elections. After the nomination period, he may appoint one or more non-nominated members to perform these duties for him.
[edit] Section 4
GOONS members may cast one vote for each Office.
[edit] Section 5
The colony that gains the most votes for a given office is elected. Should a colony be elected to two offices, they may choose which office to take. Their candidacy will then be removed from the other election and the votes re-counted. This will continue until all positions are filled. In the event of a tie, the Pilot has the tie-breaking vote.
[edit] Section 6
The Pilot shall certify and post election results as fast as possible. This responsibility may be handed to the Domestic Affairs Director or another representative at the Pilot's discretion. The elected officers begin their term the moment the results are announced.
[edit] Section 7
In times of war, elections may be postponed, provided 66% of the closet agree to such a postponement. In order to avoid disruption to subsequent election schedules, any such postponement would shorten the forthcoming electoral term, so the re-election date stays fixed. Should an election be delayed by a month, a General Election will be held, where all positions are up for election. In this case, half of the terms would be month-long terms in order to keep to the original election schedule.
[edit] Article IV: Military Aid
GOONS nations may request Military Aid from the War Aid Director whenever they are in need. Such requests will be granted whenever reasonable. Individual GOONS nations are obliged to send aid to any GOONS nation who is in need and requests help, providing that doing so does not put the aiding nation at risk. Nations outside of GOONS may also seek aid, but it is distributed only at the discretion of the Pilot and the War Aid Director. Aid will generally only be given with a very good, or very funny, reason.
[edit] Article V: War
In order to avoid the type of atrocity occasionally seen on Earth, GOONS colonies are requested not to make nuclear first strikes unless authorized to do so by the Pilot, Co-Pilot, or Offensive War Director. Such authorization will as a rule only be given when an official declaration of war has been made.
Declarations of offensive war from the GOONS alliance against another alliance may only be made following a majority vote of the closet, or the unanimous decision of the Pilot, Offensive War Director, and Defensive War Director. To be recognized as an alliance by the GOONS requires a minimum of 11 members. Unaligned players and groups with less than this minimum membership are considered to be open targets for individual GOONS to attack, although the member does so at their own risk since the GOONS alliance will not guarantee aid or military support if said member has done something idiotic.
Enemies of GOONS (hereafter referred to as EoGs) are individuals who have done something spectacularly moronic and are thus condemned to a permanent state of war with all GOONS. Additions to the EoG list have to be approved by a majority of available Closet members, the Co-Pilot or the Pilot. For an EoG to appeal their status, they must provide an explanation/apology for their actions in the EoG appeals forum, where it will be reviewed by GOONS officials.
If an alliance is found to be knowingly harboring an EoG, that alliance will enter into a de facto state of war with GOONS as a whole. Prior to any aggressive act, GOONS will attempt to determine if the alliance in question knew of the EoGs status. If said alliance accepted an EoG unknowingly, war will be avoided so long as the EoG is given up to the Goonish hordes immediately.
[edit] Article VI:
In peacetime as well as in wartime, operational security is paramount. Should a GOONS naetion be found to be transmitting privileged information to an enemy alliance, the nation will be immedaitely expelled from GOONS and placed on the Enemy Of GOONS list, a posotion from which they may be attacked at will by any member of GOONS who chooses to do so.
TL;DR Version: yarite
I dunno man, that movie was pretty good.
[[Category:Alliances]
